The old ones are the best

The summer (whatever that was) is over and it’s back to work/school/etc so I thought maybe a few jokes would be all anyone can manage. These ones really aren’t that complicated, so don’t think too hard.

Q     Why do dogs lick their balls?

A     Because they can.

Q     Do you smoke after intercourse?

A     I don’t know, I’ve never looked.

Q     What is a MilliHelen?

A     The degree of female beauty required to launch a single ship.

20-40     Tri-weekly

40-60     Try weekly

60-80     Try weakly.

(Editor’s Note: This one may be a bit too true to be good. I wouldn’t know, of course. If you are affected by the issues raised by this joke, you can find a helpful factsheet on the BBC webpage …etc).

There are two eggs boiling in the pan. One says “It’s a bit hot in here, isn’t it?” The other replies “Wait till you get outside, they smash your head in.”

Q     How do you make a Swiss roll?

A     Push him down the Alps.

Q     How do you eat tofu?

A     1.     Open packet.    2.     Throw tofu in bin.     3.     Cook meat.     4.     Eat meat.

Q     What’s black and furry and eighteen inches long, with whiskers?

A     A cat.

A     I say, I say, I say – my wife’s gone to the East Indies.

B     Oh, Jamaica?

A     No you fool, not the West Indies, the East Indies.

B    Oh, Jakarta?

A    No, she went of her own accord.

The sad thing is, these all still make me laugh. Every time, and some of them may have been broadcast before I was born. As I said, the old ones (or at least the simplest ones) are the best.

Enjoy the autumn and share a few jokes with me, please.

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